


Little Souvenir

by EurusRantipole



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Humor, More Funniness, Riddlecat, Selina Kicks Angst Out the Window, Some angst, Was Supposed to be quick PWP but I took out the smut and added plot, Writing Prompt, lots of cockblocking, thank goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EurusRantipole/pseuds/EurusRantipole
Summary: Based on a Tumblr writing prompt (http://acapelladitty.tumblr.com/post/158872967153) based on a panel taken out of context.I went overboard. Lots of weird stuff in this one, folks. Angrams, POTC quoting, allusions to marijuana, alcohol, and roleplay. Buckle your seatbelts, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DittyWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWrites/gifts).



> I wrote this damned thing, and I kind of felt like a helpless bystander the entire way through. Selina ran the show.
> 
> Also posted on Fanfiction.net under the same name. (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12435507/1/Little-Souvenir), and on Tumblr (https://prismdiscord.tumblr.com/post/159245528398/writing-prompt-for-acapelladitty-based-on-the)

                                                                                        

 (Prompt was based on the above panel, taken out of context. No idea what comic this was even from.)

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

Selina Kyle had grown to infamy as the Catwoman long before the Riddler had even purchased his first customized bowler. Her image had been plastered all over the city, once upon a time, a time when Gotham had still been unused to the concept of the stylized villain.

She was beautiful. She was dangerous. She was new. The media immediately leapt upon the opportunity she presented, glamorizing her crimes and distributing her profile to the public the second the material passed the editors' checks.

It was impossible for any citizen of Gotham to have _not_ heard of her.

Meanwhile, Nigma knew even the most minute details about Gotham's criminal underworld. The particular information of the 'new' leather-clad temptress dressed in ridiculous cat-ears and aviator goggles, had been practically shoved down his throat, along with a seemingly endless stream of praise from his coworkers attesting to the extreme… _excellence_ …of her physical assets.

So, yes, Edward had known of the Catwoman. He had marked her as a talented individual, with apparently no small measure of intelligence, who chose to waste her time stealing jewels and precious artifacts. And of all the things the public could have focused on, from her kleptomania to her gravity-defying abilities, so reminiscent of the feline species she clearly adored, her _physique_ was what everyone deemed most noteworthy.

It became such that he couldn't hear the name 'Catwoman' mentioned in the workroom without an irritable twitch developing in his eye.

Once, he had found her annoying.

He did not find her annoying now.

_Steel tipped claws hooked playfully at his tie, and Kyle leaned up to lick the delicate shell of his ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive flesh there. He leaned his head back to grant her further access, enjoying the sensation, and she moved up, over and on top of his body, following him with her lips._

_Then she bit down. Hard, the tip of a canine punching down on the bundle of nerves._

_A slightly choked gasp escaped his mouth, and he shuddered, involuntarily, his hips shifting restlessly under her straddling form._

_'Now, now, Eddie. I thought you were going to be a good boy.'_

_'You bit me!' His voice was still hoarse from the pleasurable shock of the pain._

_'And you_ liked _it.' A gloved hand made its way down his shirt, undoing the buttons as it went. A half-formed thought passed through his mind to mention something about the claws – he already had to buy new clothes far too often, with the company he kept – but then her mouth moved down to his throat, and articulate thought pretty much went out the metaphorical window. 'Let a kitty play.'_

 _He could only groan his assent, as she latched onto his pulse point, and_ sucked _, rolling her body up across his chest and sliding one lithe thigh in between his own legs, bumping teasingly upwards. He moved a hand up to her hair, pulling her up for a searing kiss, all the while trying to grab at the hazy, indistinct thoughts drifting through his head like so many displaced, floating threads._

How had he allowed this to happen?

Oh.

Right.

Alcohol.

…

This was why he didn't drink on a regular basis.

Of course, he hadn't expected Selina Kyle, of all people, to slide in the chair next to him when he decided to stop by some random, nondescript bar for a rare night of indulgence.

He had wanted to relax. He had wanted to have a good time. And he had been hoping, quite frankly, that maybe someone else, of a reasonable intellectual caliber, would be of the same mind.

He had decidedly _not_ wanted to deal with any of the other "Rogues," else he would have just gone to the Iceberg and availed himself of Ozzy's discounts.

It would seem that his evasive strategy had failed. Disgruntled, he downed the rest of his glass and waved the bartender over, intending to pay his check and leave.

For politeness sake, he turned to the woman sitting demurely next to him, taking in her appearance with one sweeping, uninterested eye. She was certainly a very stunning individual – she hadn't dressed up that much for the night – just a pair of dark jeans, and a black tank top that revealed her lithely muscled, pale shoulders. She wasn't even wearing makeup – as far as he could tell – her own eyelashes were thick enough that the use of mascara would have appeared excessive and desperate.

Yes, physically, she was certainly a first-rate specimen of the female form. But anyone who used their body to as their primary means of accomplishing their goals naturally incited his disgust. The body was so weak, so…fallible. The _mind_ , now – ahh. That was a different story.

"Selina," he nodded to her, inclining his head slightly. The bartender hadn't noticed him.

He bet if he was still wearing his Riddler attire he would be getting quicker service. Oh well. He'd be sure to visit this bar sometime, with proper wardrobe.

 _"Eddie_ ," Selina acknowledged him with a purring voice and a crooked smile, "What are you drinking?"

"Actually," he said, waving his hand again, a bit more sharply this time, "I was just leaving."

"Not on _my_ account, I hope?" asked Selina knowingly, also making a gesture towards the apparently blind man managing the bar.

He immediately perked up and headed their way, breaking away from a conversation he had been having with one of the patrons without a moment's delay.

Apparently _not_ blind then. Edward stifled a snort of disgust, but couldn't stop his lip from curling ever so slightly at the predictability of the lesser-minded.

Selina hummed slightly next to him, amused by Edward's reaction, satisfied by the prompt reaction time of the bartender. She placed her order, then told the man to bring Eddie more of whatever he had been drinking, rolling over the death-trap engineer's protests with a flirty wink.

Edward slumped back sulkily in his chair, and glared at her.

She reined in the impulse to laugh at his expression – the pouting, honestly – and instead found herself taking in his appearance.

She had come here on business, but Edward was certainly…well, he pulled off a nice figure when he wasn't decked out in every shade of green his tailor could produce. Sure, he was a bit slenderer than her usual tastes, but there was something in the way he held himself… languid yet with a distinct suggestion of coiled energy. Confident and capable. And yet…she _knew_ he was breakable.

Hmm. She might have been missing out on some opportunities, here.

"So, Eddie," she took a light sip from her drink, "Congratulations on hacking into the GCPD's computer system and fixing it so that they have to solve Sudoku boards in order to access our criminal records."

"What do you want, Selina?" Edward grumbled, swishing the contents of his glass, and pointedly not looking in her direction.

She sighed.

"There's something I need. I could use someone of your…expertise."

"My dear, you're very…nice, but I'm afraid I'm not out for hire."

"But you _do_ do favors, from time to time. I _know_ you've helped Crane before."

"Crane," Edward assumed a thoughtful expression, "Crane is…different."

Selina stifled a snigger. She didn't concern herself very much with appearing 'ladylike' but sniggers were simply off the table. She was the 'Catwoman' for crying out loud.

"That he is," she said carefully, hiding her smile.

"But you," Edward looked over at her again, raising an eyebrow, "I owe you no favors. Why should I exert myself on _your_ behalf?"

He was being rather rude. She hadn't expected that. Perhaps it was the alcohol – Edward was usually quite a gentleman, at least, up to the point that riddles were brought into the picture.

Then again, she had rather intruded upon him. She supposed some terseness was permitted.

"Well, there's the matter of payment," she began, "I can assure you that you'll be…more than sufficiently compensated, even if the heist doesn't work out. I'm far from destitute."

Edward rolled his eyes at her, clearly bored, and took a sip of the liquid sloshing around his glass with an annoyed huff.

"And, of course," Selina continued smoothly, "there's the nature of the task itself. I'm sure a man of your intellect would appreciate this, just for the challenge it presents."

"Please," Edward rasped, setting down his drink, "What could you possibly be doing that wou-"

"I'm breaking into the Bat Cave."

Edward jerked his head over to her, green eyes wide and shocked.

"WHAT?!"

"Quiet!" Selina hissed, eyes darting around the bar and cursing herself for falling victim to the temptation of dramatic flair. "Just a quick in-and-out, but I can't get past his security."

"How do you even – how…," Edward spluttered, mind racing. Then he suddenly jerked out of his befuddled daze, mouth settling into a dry sneer. The change was so fast it was almost surreal. "Oh. Right. I forgot."

"Forgot _what,_ exactly?" Selina demanded, annoyed.

"You and him," Edward picked up his glass again, downed it, "Of course you'd know where the Bat hides during the day."

Selina narrowed his eyes at his tone. "If you're insinuating –"

"I'm not insinuating _anything_. I think I was fairly straight-forward."

Her grip on her glass tightened angrily, but then she forced herself to calm down. This was business. She couldn't afford to get upset – she needed this man to agree to what she was asking.

"Moving past that," she said, relaxing her gritted teeth, "The entrance I know seems to have some sort of recognition software, most likely programmed to accept the Batmobile's signature. I can't hack it."

"You actually _tried_?" Edward scoffed.

Breath in. Breath out. Don't punch the tech genius until _after_ we get what we want.

" _Yes_ ," she bit out, "I _am_ a thief, Edward, I have a wide range of…skills."

Edward looked over at her again, for the first night looking a tad interested. That was the first time she had used his full name. He _hated_ nicknames.

And…well, she did offer a very, _very_ tantalizing opportunity.

…

Oh screw it.

"Fine," Edward snapped, ignoring Selina's pleased grin, "But I'm going to need to get dressed. And if we're going to do this, I'll need another drink."

"Ditto on both points," Selina smirked, ignoring Edward's pained head shake at her use of slang.

Oh this was going to be _fun_.

_So how had he ended up here, draped by a warm body in black leather doing interesting things with her tongue as she kissed him?_

_He moved his hands around her waist, pressing her form against him, and reciprocated, for a moment letting the question pass unanswered. He slid his tongue along hers, tracing the gum line, and she hummed her approval, allowing him to press her backwards and take the lead. His hands drifted further downward, gliding over the curve of her bottom. Claws lightly traced patterns on his neck, and he shivered slightly, the hazard of being cut by those razor sharp tips causing him to burn all the hotter._

_What had he been thinking about?_

_Ah…how they had gotten in this situation in the first place…_

_Well._

_They had left the bar, after another round of drinks…_

"I can honestly say that I did _not_ expect tonight to turn out the way it did," Edward grunted as he tripped through the muddy, tire-tracked path, Selina a few feet ahead of him, gracefully avoiding even the smallest puddles in the darkness.

Their car was parked about a mile back, in some deserted parking lot in the middle of hell-knows-where. For all he knew, Selina could have brought him out here to kill him.

He paused briefly, to consider that, but then continued walking before his 'partner' in crime could get too far ahead. No, if Selina wanted to 'try' and kill him, she would have just done it in the bar.

Why go to all the trouble of getting her boots dirty in the backwoods.

"We're almost there," Selina called back, unperturbed, and Edward resigned himself to a sigh and the thought of a nice mug of hot chocolate when he finally returned home.

His thoughts had already switched to another track, the designs for his next deathtrap – which would definitely involve a large cooling system and copious amounts of mud – when Selina finally stopped, holding out a gloved hand for him to do the same.

He stepped up to her side, studied the mound of boulders before them.

"This is it?" he asked, doubtfully.

"This is it," Selina replied grimly.

"So…" he crossed his arms, slightly confused by their lack of action, "Does he have a weapons system enabled or something? Step any nearer and we're reduced to a pile of ash, is that it?"

"Well, no, he doesn't kill, remember?" Selina huffed in frustration, "But he _does_ have surveillance. And an alert system."

"Ah," Edward nodded in understanding, "Step any nearer and we're doomed to enduring the Boy Wonder's artfully crafted puns. Same evil."

"This is serious," Selina hissed at him. "I brought you here to deal with this!"

Edward glared at her, eyebrow raised derisively, and raised his cane, flicking the mechanism with his thumb. A – thing- it whizzed by them too fast for Selina to make out its shape or appearance, shot out, and disappeared into the night.

Edward waited a few seconds, then nodded, smugly.

"It's down."

Selina eyed him suspiciously, "How do you know?"

He rolled his eyes at her. "Do you _really_ want me to explain it to you? Let's just say it's a fancy bit of tech designed to find the nearest transmission signal and hack into the source."

"But then…he knows we're here – you can't just _shut it off_ , now he'll _know_ something's up!"

Edward tutted at her disappointedly. "Really, dear, you insult me. It doesn't _disable_ the source – it fixes it so that previous footage is shuffled and played randomly, to result in a believable broadcast."

He swung his cane scornfully and started forward. "Coming?"

Selina followed with a low growl. The arrogance!

But it was impressive.

Just.

A bit.

* * *

Edward practically _danced_ around the Cave, a huge grin on his face as he took it all in.

Selina just rolled her eyes at him and moved about, throwing random pieces of what she deemed useless technical junk around as she searched for her missing item.

It had to be around here somewhere…

Edward sounded almost giddy. "Oh, this is _marvelous._ I don't know _what_ the Batman did to piss you off, Selina, but I swear, he will _always_ regret it."

Selina glanced over at him, distracted, but wearily amused despite herself. "What are you going to do?"

"Oh," Edward rubbed his hands together frantically, eyes darting about. For a flash instant, he looked almost like Tetch, with all his panicky, frenetic energy. "Oh. I don't even _know_ , yet. I'll have to plan something. It'll have to be _huge_. _Magnificent. Show-stopping._ I need – I need – blueprints! And—"

He continued to ramble on, and Selina rolled her eyes, almost affectionately, turning back to the task at hand. As she moved her head, her eye caught a gleam of the silver, and she swiveled towards it, the familiar sight of the chrysoberyl stone causing her to squeak in delight.

And then immediately regretted it. The Catwoman also did not 'squeak.'

She immediately grabbed the necklace, storing it away in one of the many hidden compartments of her suit.

"Edward," she called over, "I've got what I needed."

He wasn't listening of course, still caught up in the wonder of the limitless number of ways he could provoke a harassment suit from the Caped Crusader.

"Edward," Selina said more sharply, moving over to him, "We can leave now. You can do what you want, but I'm _not_ going to Arkham tonight. Let's get out while we still c – oomph!"

Edward, clearly completely drunk on wild delight and devoid of his usual senses, had grabbed her and pressed his mouth against hers, twirling her around in a circle as he did so.

Her eyes wide, Selina stared at him, too shocked to actually do anything except keep her lips firmly _closed_ before Edward finally set her down, and reached over to snatch up his cane, smiling hugely.

With a sweeping flourish, he bowed slightly, and gestured at the exit, "After you."

"What was _that_?" Selina asked, dazed, wiping a finger across her lips.

"Spur of the moment, dear," he replied with a supremely smug smirk and sauntered out first instead, clearly intending the matter to end there, on a note where he lay with the advantage.

Selina's eyes flashed.

Oh. He wanted to play _that_ game, did he?

She ambled after him coolly, quickly catching up and then adapting her stride to match his footsteps.

"Why were you at that bar, tonight, Eddie?" she asked evenly, reverting to his nickname to rile him up.

Edward stiffened, almost imperceptibly. "I hardly think that's any of your business, Selina."

"I'm just _curious._ "

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"And satisfaction brought it back," she smiled crookedly.

"And, thus, the lesson is never learned," Edward breathed in exasperation.

Selina's smile grew wider. "You have a lesson you want to _teach_ me, Edward?" she asked impishly.

Edward glanced over at her sharply, "Miss Kyle, are you _actually_ propositioning me as I stand three inches deep in muck and sludge in some nameless forest at some godless hour of the morning?

"Hey, you were the one who kissed me," she shrugged

"And I _told_ you it didn't mean anything!"

"Kisses always mean _something."_

"Oh, that's deep. That's very deep. How far is it to the car?"

"Come on, Edward," she purred, stepping into his personal bubble and reaching up to grab his tie, forcing him to lean down so she didn't strangle him. Green eyes met green, one pair stubbornly glaring, the other dark and mischievous. "Don't be _coy._ "

"No, that's _your_ game," Edward retorted.

"Exactly," Selina said lowly, bumping their noses slightly, "So stop trying to play it."

He blinked, slightly, and for a split second, he seemed unsure. He drifted closer, their lips almost touching…

And then, of course, it began to rain. _Flash flood_ would have been more accurate, really.

Selina pulled away, disappointed, and Edward just looked up, sadly.

"You know, I'm not even mad," he sighed, unsticking himself from the muddy ground and beginning to walk forward, "Because of _course_ this night would end in this entire suit being completely ruined, so why should I be surprised, or angry?"

"Drama queen," Selina shivered, as they hurried back the way they had come.

"Drama — do you know how much these cost?" he shook the sopping edge of his jacket in her face, and she wrinkled her nose, turning away before it could get her more wet.

"Well, maybe you could wear something more practical?" she suggested, restraining the urge to give him a hard bop on the head and be done with it. If they weren't going to do anything fun, there was really no point in putting up with this.

His eyes roved over her, "What like what _you're_ wearing? How does leather hold up under extreme downpours, anyway?"

"It's waterproofed – I spend my nights on top of Gotham's rooftops, you think a little water ever inconveniences me?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know where your sense of practicality begins and ends. Given that you habitually wear _high-heeled boots_ and live a lifestyle that often necessitates _running."_

"I _also_ have incredible balance. Unlike _some_ ," and, as if on cue, Edward suddenly slipped, almost falling flat on his face in the mud. He managed to catch himself, if only barely, and turned to glower at her poisonously, daring her to say anything.

She didn't. She continued on in silence, and, after a few moments, Edward followed, irritably stripping off his jacket as he went. Not like it was doing much use, anyway.

They reached the car, and hurriedly got in, out of the rain. Selina naturally took the driver's side – it was _her_ car, after all. Well. It was right now, at least.

Edward huffed as he sat down, tossing his discarded clothing in the back seat.

Unfortunately, the fast movement of the sodden cloth also resulted in Selina getting a face-full of water droplets as she moved to put the keys in the ignition.

It was the final straw.

Furious, she spun to face her passenger, " _Honestly_ , Edward! I'm wet enough already! You couldn't have just _placed_ the damn thing?"

"Oh, my mistake, I figured you would have just _moved_ , seeing as you have such _supreme_ reflexes."

"There's nowhere to move!" Selina practically screeched, giving the key a vicious twist. The engine roared to life, and she shoved her foot down on the gas, hard. Edward was jerked backwards in his seat.

He picked himself up, glaring daggers at her as they sped along the empty stretch of road. "What's often sorely needed in trying situations, yet often difficult to find? Once gone, caution is suggested, for things are liable to get…unpleasant."

Selina's nostrils flared. Oh no. No _way_ he was going to start with the riddles _now._

"Go fuck yourself, Edward."

Edward huffed, readjusting himself in his chair. "The answer is _patience._ And for your information, my own supply is very nearly _depleted_ ," he bit out, "As far as your juvenile rejoinder – if you had _just left me alone tonight,_ perhaps I _would_ be doing just that. So, _thank you_ , really, for the _lovely_ experience. I just _love_ pulling stray leaves out of my hair at 2 a.m. in the morning… _why_ are you looking at me like that?"

Selina was, indeed, slanting one eye over at him as she maneuvered the car through the twisting road, momentarily distracted. It had taken her a few seconds to process his words, through the haze of frustration.

"So you _were_ looking to fuck tonight?" She _knew_ it.

Edward's jaw tightened, then, almost undetectable, but her eyes were used to catching the small details. He seemed confused, irritated. She wondered if he had even been aware of the words pouring out of his mouth.

He recovered quickly, with an easy smirk, "I might be a genius, but I am _human_ , after all, Miss Kyle. But again, my personal affairs are hardly any of your concern."

Oh, hell no, there was no chance she was letting this slide. This was _the Riddler_. The nature of his sexuality had been in question for _years_.

"Any one in particular you had your eye on? That bartender was kind of cute," she could barely contain her grin. Oh, this was _gold_. Wait until she told _Ivy_.

Edward scowled. "What do you take me for, some desperate, pimply college student? The man was an unshaven ape, with brains to match."

Selina shrugged, "He wasn't that bad."

"He used the word 'like' almost five times in the same breath, and smelled of stale liquor," Edward growled. "No."

Selina raised her hands slightly off the wheel, in protest, before grasping the handles again, "Fine, fine, no need to get so uppity about it," she paused, another smile pulling at her lips, "what about the other girl, in the booth behind you? Red hair?"

Edward shifted slightly, but was silent.

She looked over at him, grinning widely now, "Oh, yeah? You liked her? Gotta thing for redheads, Eddie?"

He glowered at her, and she laughed. She couldn't help it. "Please don't tell me you weren't going to do some sort of Poison Ivy role play thing, because if it ever gets back to Pam, you're going to be in for a _world_ of pain," she snorted. More like _when_ it got back to Pam…though…a thought suddenly occurred to her, "Of course, a certain fear-obsessed scientist _also_ happens to have a rather striking head of ginger hair," she waggled her eyebrows suggestively at her passenger.

Edward muttered something under his breath, but it was so low even her keen ears couldn't make it out.

"What was that?"

"I _also_ have red hair."

"Well, yes, I know, but…" her eyes widened, as it clicked. No _way_. "Don't tell me you were going to do a _Riddler role-play?!"_

Edward sniffed, haughtily.

"Ohhhh, boy," Selina breathed. No, she certainly hadn't been expecting _that_. But then again, this was _Edward Nygma_ she was speaking to. His ego could probably fill the entire city.

"So what, she gives you riddles to solve, and every right answer you get…" her mind was whirling, playing with the various possibilities, "Oh, wow. That's actually pretty…"

"Inspired?"

"Twisted, more like," she snorted again, "But I admit, it does have a lot of potential."

They drove a couple more miles in silence. On Edward's end, it was probably awkward as hell, on her end…well, she was still busy ruminating over the new knowledge.

"You know," she said suddenly, breaking the silence. Edward's head snapped over to her, eyes daring her to say anything mocking or critical.

"I'm not too shabby with riddles myself. Used to play around with anagrams, back in the day, when I got bored."

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Anagrams are hardly akin to riddles, in any sense. An amusing pastime, I suppose, but the number of possible results, as well as the lack of any real direction, make them rather poor puzz — wait," his eyes narrowed at Selina's sigh of exasperation, the pieces falling into place, "You weren't…you aren't actually _offering…_ "

"Well, as you pointed out, I _did_ rather ruin your night," she quirked a sly grin at him, "Least I can do."

Edward's face darkened. "I don't do _pity_ sex," he snapped.

"Nor do I," Selina snapped back, "I wouldn't offer if I wasn't interested."

" _You're_ interested?" Edward asked, confounded. "I thought you were screwing the _Bat_."

"Yeah, well," Selina's grin faltered, slid down into a scowl, "Not anymore."

Now it was Edward's turn to smirk. "Oh? Rubbed you the wrong way, did he?"

Selina's mouth tightened. "I don't want to talk about it. Suffice to say he and I are a done thing."

"Wouldn't have anything to do with his new alliance with Diana of Themyscira would it, now?"

So smugly _knowing._

"Edward," her voice was very, very low, "Drop it."

Surprisingly, he seemed content to leave it at that, folding his arms leisurely behind his head. "So. _Anagrams._ Ever done me?"

It took a few minutes for the sudden switch to register. Even then… "Sorry, what?"

"My _name_. Ever anagrammed it?"

"Umm…no." Why would he think she would anagram _his_ name, of all things?

"Shame. I was quite tickled by some of the results. Of course, it works better if you use my name and title. I particularly enjoyed 'Gamer Dad Whirled Trendy.'"

This conversation was beginning to get beyond her. She didn't like the feeling. "Interesting. Most of mine didn't make much sense, but I was rather fond of 'A Kitty Echelon Names Law.'"

Edward made a slight sound of surprise, and she smiled at him slightly. "What? Thought I was lying?"

"No, I just…I didn't think of that one." He sounded mystified. It was almost cute.

"I had some time to kill, and I was adamant on finding a good one," she shrugged, "You have to admit it has class."

"No, it's…good," he blinked, "I mean…for you." Another blink, and he seemed to be trying to shake the matter out of his head, "But besides anagrams…you've never tried any word puzzles? No riddles?"

"Well, I tried some of yours when they started popping up all over the city," she admitted easily.

"And?" Suddenly, he seemed almost enraptured by her, by their conversation, green eyes dark and probing. Good. She was back on firmer ground, now.

"…They were tough," she conceded, "But I got most of them right. It was helpful that you shared the solutions afterwards."

" _Oh_ , really?" His eyes were narrowed at her, "'I travel around the world but never leave the corner.'"

She squinted. "That was…it's…oh, right. _A stamp._ That was from a while ago."

"Two years, roughly," he still sounded suspicious, "Of course, since I've already given out the solution to that one, who knows whether or not you _actually_ knew the answer, from wits alone."

"Then give me a new one."

A slight pause. Then –

"More than plywood and gauze curtains. A child may have me from the start, but some spend lifetimes searching. I am security, I am safety. I am can belong to one or many, even as they belong to me."

Selina looked over, slightly startled. That was…a bit _deeper_ than she had been expecting.

Also _easier_ than it probably should have been. Why this sudden vulnerability?

She shifted uncomfortably, once again feeling off kilter. "…A home?"

"Yes," Edward sighed, seeming deflated suddenly. The change was a bit startling. "…Well done. How much farther?"

"Not far." Well. This was bringing her down.

"Why so blue all of a sudden? If you're going to start wearing that color on top of all the green and purple and shit…"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm just _tired_ , Selina, that's all. Am I not allowed a moment of weariness, after weeks, months, _years_ of fruitless labor? And now the Bat has the _Justice League_ behind his back…"

Oh. So this was about _that_.

She should have just kept her damned mouth shut about her relationships – then she wouldn't have to play _therapist_ to _yet another_ codependent man child.

"Fuck the Justice League," she snarled, suddenly angry at the whole situation, and not just the one that involved her, drenched, sitting in a sedan with an equally wet Riddler, "We're fucking _Rogues_. We do what we want, take what we want, and give nothing back, unless it strikes our fucking fancy," Edward was staring at her, eyes wide at the sudden ferocity of her words, "Bru-erm," she caught herself, " _Batman_ only gets out of your _death traps_ , Edward, because you're so keen to continue the game. It's why any of us lose. It's too fun to end it – Batman is the best fucking thing that ever happened to this city. And if you think – for even a second – that we're the losers in this scenario, then you're not using that great big brain to its fullest potential. The heroes are _always_ the losers. They only think they've won if they've saved every fucking sad soul on the planet. Us? We're just in it for the _entertainment_ and the _thrill._ "

She grew a great shuddering breath, and tightened her grip on the wheel. Edward was still staring at her in astonishment.

"Selina…"

She reached up quickly, furiously wiping a stray drop away from her eye. "Yeah?"

"Stop the car," his voice was almost deadly quiet.

"What?" She blinked and glanced over at him.

" _Stop the car."_

One look at him confirmed just how serious he was. Silently, she acquiesced, pulling the car over to the side of the road and putting on the handbrake.

In less than a second, or so it seemed, he was on top of her, kissing her again, rain splattered shirt sticking to his chest as he pressed himself against her on the awkward angle. There was no seduction in his technique – just a clumsy, violent press against her mouth, and a tremor racking his frame that had nothing in common with lust or desire.

She sat frozen for only an instant. And then…instead of pushing him away, as was her first thought, she opened to him. Because he hadn't demanded entry. He wasn't pushing for anything more, he just… _reeked_ of a sudden desperation and need that she _understood_.

He stiffened when her tongue suddenly touched against his lower lip, and she didn't think he had even noticed how she had consented to his attack. He drew back, at that, and she almost laughed at the absurdity of his reactions. So what, he jumped her out the blue, but when she reciprocated, he suddenly got cold feet?

It was interesting really, how similar Edward and Bruce truly were.

But she knew how to handle this type.

"Oh no you don't," she whispered, and followed him, pushing him back into his own seat, raking his shirt gently with her claws. This time she kissed him first, lightly biting his bottom lip and stroking the inside with her tongue. She could feel a slight tremble in his shoulders, before he opened to her, gasping slightly.

She was aware, dimly, of him jerkily tearing the purple gloves off his hands, before he was raising them to her head, tugging at her headpiece. She moved her hands away from his chest to unfasten the tie at her neck before he strangled her, then took it off herself, breaking away from the kiss before diving back in. And now there were fingers at her scalp, digging and scratching and pulling at the stray knots in her short crop.

She was the first to pull back, after a few minutes more of touching and exploring, breathing slightly heavier than before.

"Your place?" There was no question they weren't going to finish this. But she wasn't going to have him _here_ of all places, with the armrest box pressing painfully into her hip bone, unable to even reach him properly.

Edward nodded, looking dazed. "That would be…satisfactory."

She repressed a smirk, and climbed back into her seat. "I'll have to think up some riddles for you, on the way back."

She caught the slight jump of his Adam's apple as he gulped at that, and then she didn't bother repressing her smirk.

Looks like she was going to have some fun, after all.

* * *

Of course, she hadn't expected her suit to be half-torn to shreds by Edward's security system, when they finally _did_ get to his home.

"SHUT THE DAMNED THING OFF!" she yelled at him, as she twisted and jumped her way around the spinning blades, always barely avoiding even the slightest graze to her skin.

Her costume, though…was less lucky.

"I TOLD YOU TO NOT JUST WALTZ IN!" Edward yelled back, furiously tapping away at the screen next to the wall as she performed acrobatics complex enough to rival Harley's skills, "WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING HERE – CULTIVATING GANJA?! THIS IS A SERIOUS OPERATION!"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK – JUST –" suddenly the blades slowed, and retreated, disappearing back into the slots in the walls. She fell to the ground, gasping for breath. "DAMN it."

Edward stalked over to her, held out a hand for her to assist her to her feet. She gave it a disdainful look, and got to her feet on her own, looking down at the tattered remains of her leather ensemble in dismay

" _Look_ what you did. Do you know how hard it is to find these things?"

Edward shrugged, still annoyed that she hadn't listened to him in the first place. "I'm sure you could just sew it up. It's not like you don't have plenty of stitches on that thing in the first place."

Selina growled, "Do you know how _long_ it would take me to repair all of this? Do you think I just sit around on rooftops eating bon bons all night?"

He threw his hands up in exasperation, "Well maybe next time you'll _listen_ to me. At least when it's my lair – really, Selina, I'm surprised at you."

"I didn't think I was going to have all the nine levels of hell unleashed on me at once!" she shrieked at him. Edward just huffed, and folded his arms, unmoved.

She took a deep breath. It wasn't that bad, really. She needed a new suit anyway – this one was starting to get a bit frayed about the edges. And stained. Blood was _really_ hard to get out of leather.

"It's fine," she sighed. By Edward's staggered look, she almost got the impression he felt _he_ had been wronged in this entire situation. She resisted the impulse to roll her eyes. Yeah. He _definitely_ felt that way, knowing Edward. "Just…" she stalked over to him, trailing a hand over his shoulders and up his neck as she went, "Promise me you'll be a _good boy_ from now on?" She flipped his bowler off his head, dropping it on her own head with a crooked grin.

From the way his eyes darkened, she assumed he was also letting his own frustration go, for the moment. Good.

"I'll want that back, afterward," he said to her lowly, as she crossed the final steps.

"Of course," she said smoothly, then she hooked her claw around his tie.

"I had some…" he drew a sharp breath as her lips met the skin of his throat, " _supplies_ …laid out…in case…" it was all he could manage before Selina pressed him up against the nearest wall, grinding into him, and his words were lost in a low moan.

It had been…quite a long time. The King of Conundrums was a very busy man, after all.

"Always prepared, I see," Selina murmured against the sharp edge of his jaw, light stubble scratching her cheek, just a bit, "So…what does the Riddler have in the way of toys?" Her lips moved to his ear…

"Nothing…fancy…" he gasped back as she nibbled on his lobe, still pressing her body into him. Her curves seemed to fit into him perfectly, hard and soft all at once. "Some…stuff I got from an…S&M site…handcuffs…"

She almost _purred_ at that. "Dear, if that's what you like, you should have come to me _years_ ago. _Handcuffs?_ "

"…Well…they were green…and fuzzy." He would have sounded sheepish, if his voice wasn't so hoarse at the moment.

She chuckled lowly. "I think I have a purple pair at home to match."

She was just about to start unbuttoning his shirt – now dry, after the long car ride – but suddenly an alarm started to sound, and the lights switched off, the emergency red LEDs kicking in.

She jumped back. "What's that?!"

Edward was moving over to one of the computers. One look at the screen and he groaned, passing a hand over his face in frustration.

"What?" she stepped over by his side, and immediately saw the problem.

"Oh."

"The _Girl_ Wonder," Edward growled, "I guess they found out who broke into the Bat Cave."

"But – how? You turned off the surveillance –"

"You're the only person who knows that location. And I'm the only person who could have gotten past his security," his eyes narrowed angrily, "We – I – was sloppy. It was too obvious, even without the surveillance tape to prove it," suddenly he slammed a fist down on the desk. "DAMN. This is why I don't fucking drink when I work."

"Well, what the hell are we going to do?"

Edward was silent for a minute, then straightened, adjusting his tie as he did so. "I suppose we go greet our new company," he threw her a sharp-edged smile, "Or do you have any other ideas?"

She paused.

And then –

Well, yes, she _did_ , come to think of it.

Edward never even saw the punch coming. It collided with his jaw, and he reeled backwards, eyelids slipping closed as he lost consciousness. She caught him before he could reach the ground, heaved him over to a position near a swivel chair, then knocked the chair to the floor to act as a support under his shoulder. All finished, his body leaned against the side of the desk, disheveled, with a swelling cheek – all signs pointing to a quick, effortless fight.

"Sorry, Edward," she said, genuinely. "But I'm _not_ giving Gotham anything more to gossip about."

* * *

By the time Barb entered, she was sitting carelessly on the desk, besides Edward's form, right foot propped up on the seat of the knocked over chair, and bowler hat still perching on her head at a jaunty angle.

She rolled her head lazily at Barb, "His security got me pretty good, sure, but I did break his jaw.

Right cross.

Should've seen him drop."


End file.
